Look at that. Bikes, trees, no cars on the road. Can you even see the lodges hidden in the trees? No. Needless to say it was a fab week off work. I’d forgotten how good Center Parcs could be, and it’s no doubt twice as fun if you’re there without nippers in tow, as of course we were.

I’d also forgotten how packed with wildlife the place can be. It’s about ten years since I last visited, but they were an annual pilgrimage during my teens. This time around we even had a tame heron that paid daily visits to our patio and posed for photos.

And squirrels by the thousand, one of whom was persistent in his attempts to get inside.

That’s a reindeer on the right, which fortunately was penned in and not on the cusp of trampling through our lounge.

So, beyond the wildlife and the days spent riding our bikes around the forest we spent most of our time riding the flumes and the raipids, which weren’t nearly so rough as the ones I remember (although then, of course, I’d have been much smaller and the bumps much lumpier). The weather held up for us, which with Cumbria under eight feet of flood water, and the week before we disappeared being wall-to-wall rain, was extremely lucky.

We had two short showers, one during an ourdoor swim, which was quite magical with the pool lit cool blue, the steam rising into the night sky and the rain pattering down on the surface.

Do I want to go back? Err – yes. Tomorrow, if I could, but more likely this time next year.

I put off reading this one for ages because, let’s face it, it’s long. Very long, if we’re being honest, and the thought of hauling around a 1100-page book for as long as it would take me to read on a daily commute didn’t appeal.

What a mistake. I’ve never read so many pages so quickly.

The Pillars of the Earth is a saga in the truest sense of the word – a sweeping story of the middle ages and the building of the fictional cathedral of Kingsbridge. Hugely frustrating when the villains get their way, genuinely edge-of-seat when the heroes get close to their goal, racy when required – slow when you need it, it’s a masterpiece that had me hooked from about 20 pages in.

Now admittedly with such a long and sweeping story some elements have to be glossed over, and there is a fairly key event close to the start that isn’t entirely believable on account of the fact that our main character doesn’t get enough time to mourn one particular event, but once beyond that it’s a non-stop rollercoaster to the very end.

And there’s real peril, too. This isn’t one of those books where everyone you like makes it through to the end, which is a refreshing, and at times shocking change to the norm.

The story is 20 years old this year and to celebrate, Ken Follett had written a new intro that you really, really, should skip – I can’t stress this enough – as it gives away the end of the book, which is just plain stupid. Nonetheless it remains his best-selling book to date, and I can quite see why.

So much so, that I’ve bought the sequel – World Without End.

Very excited to see that they’re making it into a TV mini-series.

Rating:
Title: The Pillars of the Earth
Author: Ken Follett
Price : £5.25 from Amazon
ISBN: 978-0330450133

Do I look sufficiently uncomfortable to be stroking a skunk? (I’m at the back, if anyone asks – Danny Bird‘s at the front and the guy with the stinker in his arms works for the zoo ).

Now in fairness it could be a bit of a champagne face because actually it was very cute and surprisingly happy to have its stripe stroked. I think the fact that it had just woken helped, but it was quite tempting to stuff it inside my tux and run for home – or at least it would have been had I not been so sure that everyone would have recoiled in horror (‘It’s a fucking skunk,’ said Chris of the Brennan).

Not that they should, of course. Its scent glands had been snipped off at birth. Humanely, I’m sure.

Actually, I’m well behind the times writing about this. This was a picture from our awards way back in the middle of October, fronted by Robert Llewellyn, of Red Dwarf and Scrapheap Challenge. He was utterly charming, despite me wandering up to him on the street before the event and thinking he must be someone I knew. Check out his Car Pool online chat show. It’s well, well worth a watch.

In short, an excellent night, and a big headache the next morning.

This is brilliant. If you’re in London, head down to the Royal Academy and take a look at Anish Kapoor‘s Tall Tree and the Eye.

It’s a 15 metre high pile of 76 metal balls, highly polished and reflecting the surrounding buildings. The Guardian revels in the fact that it looks so fragile and light – and it’s right, it looks like the spheres are bubbling up from the floor and floating off out of the courtyard.

For me, though, the best bit is looking up at the reflected courtyard in the balls at the top of the pile, which is just beautiful. You get a great bird’s-eye view of the gallery all around you while keeping your feel flat on the floor.

Very disappointed today to find that our local clock shop has got rid of this sign from its window…

Now they’re plain old ‘animal sound alarm clocks’. They do, however, now have one of these:

It’s a plasticky cuckoo clock. So classy. Check out the instructions:

No dusty play!

Basildon this weekend, home of Alison Moyet and Yazoo and the market where on one particular stall you can buy everything from Stock, Aitken, Waterman videos (£1.50) to Nazi memorabilia, guns and daggers with swastikas on the hilt.

Find of the day, though, had to be the authentic, bargain mouse grater. For grating mice, presumably. Feet first.

In defence of Basildon, it’s not pretty, it’s a bit grey, and somewhat tatty here and there, but I’ve been going there, rather shockingly, for almost 30 years now, so it’s got a certain nostalgic charm.

I also, finally, managed to buy myself a new coat, ending a search that has lasted the two seasons since last winter.